Life In Tupperware

I was at the bank the other day and they pulled out a binder with the statement “M-Z” on it. It meant anyone who’s names started with M and went to Z (Zorro maybe?) ended up in that binder and that’s when it struck me that everything we do ends up in a small container. Think about it. We have personell file at work, we have a permanent record at school, we have a file at the doctors. Our lives are contained in tiny, small, enclosed cases. They hold everything about you too. Social Security Number, date of birth, full legal name, all that jazz. This is scary to me.

What’s even scarier is making out a last will and testament. I’m not making a last will and testament. When I die, I’m having my girlfriend put all my shit on the sidewalk with a big “FREE” sign on it. Fuck last will and testaments. It’s a creepy fucking thing to do, ESPECIALLY 50 years before the fact! I mean, you do it when you get married, is what I’ve heard. When you get married, you make out a last will and testament. Some people get married in their early early twenties. That means they’re like, 50 years or so ahead on death already! Well, we never really KNOW when death is coming, but this is the idea of everyone dies in the age of about 80, ok? So think about that. You just got married and you’re ALREADY planning your funeral and who you’re going to leave all your useless junk. Your collection of bubblegum baseball cards, your josie and the pussycats roller skates and your fake lightsaber.

What’s an even MORE ironic twist, you ask? Could there be one, your friend mutters in disbelief. There is. Fuck, WE even end up in a small container. We go from birth in the womb-a small container-through life in cars, homes, buildings and then folders of our info-all small environments, and then when we die we end up in either an urn or a fucking casket. We actually end up like last Thursday Nights Macaroni Helper! People are LEFTOVERS! We’re in god damned tupperware! We start in the womb and we die in a tomb! It’s FRIGHTENING. Like I said, I’m not going to make a last will and testament. Actually, I think I’ll either do the free sign or have everyone I know fight eachother for my crap. That’d be awesome if I was alive to SEE it.

I have no more to say on this subject, so here’s an adorable puppy.

m@rk

Heartburn Is Bullshit

I saw a commercial last night where it was a woman who drank coffee and ate something but got heartburn, so she took ZANTAC; a medication that relieves heartburn. It basically was saying, “Go ahead and keep doing whatever it is that’s giving you heartburn, because we’ve come up with something to make it go away…TEMPORARILY.” I think the people who do this are fucking STUPID. The reason is because they think that just because this medication exists, they suddenly have the right to go ahead and keep on doing what’s giving them heartburn, and therefore possibly over use the medication. It’s dangerous and it’s retarded. It’s the same thing with diet food or diet soda or diet…lambchops, I don’t know. The more people who buy diet food and diet soda-even though they THINK it’s less fat-never remember it’s higher in calories! Just because something is labeled “diet” doesn’t make it any better than the non-diet kind.

I take a valium every now and then, usually when I need to sleep. I have sleep issues, total insomniac. Therefore, it’s ok to take a valium every now and then. But my mom doesn’t want me to take too many because she fears addiction. Well, the thing about addiction is that you not only have to continously do it in order to get hooked, you have to ENJOY doing it, and I don’t know about YOU, but I don’t enjoy taking medicine. Alcoholics call it an addiction. They enjoy it, and they do it regularly. It’s not an addiction. IT’S A HOBBY. Get it right. But it’s also on the same basis as Anorexics and Bulimics. Bulimics have become accustomed to throwing up after eating, still calling it a disorder, which it is. But-and I know I’m gonna sound like an asshole-I just can’t feel bad for an anorexic “victim”, if you will. I can’t. I cannot feel bad for someone who’s anorexic. Poor bitch who doesn’t feel like eating, fuck her. Fuck her. Who-who-who in America, only in America would we HAVE food that we DON’T want to use! Only in America is death by overeating a possibility. Fuck Anorexics.

And while we’re on the topic of people with “disabilities”, I’d like to mention another little favorite group of mine, the people who are addicted to “cutting”. Those emo kids you hear so much about, the ones who have wonderful loving parents, live in nice suburban homes and complain their lives are horrible just because their little brother got to use the shower before they did. These kids aren’t fucking depressed, these kids aren’t addicted to hurting themselves, it’s a FAD. I’m sick of these people who claim to have disabilities or claim to be addicted to something but just don’t want to admit they’re fucking stupid. The worst has got to be porn addiction or sex addicts. These people claim to be addicted to porn or sex. We have a word for that. It’s called PERVERT. It’s not called being a “sex addict”, it’s called being a pervert. The only reason sex addicts exists in theory at all is because people don’t want to admit what is wrong with them, so they come up with an “illness” and a “group” to seem like it’s not their fault.

AA anyone?

Anyway, my point is, just because some medication that exists that relieves your heartburn exists, doesn’t mean you should just keep right on going on doing what gives you heartburn. And IF you do, and you die, then you fucked deserved it. Fuck anorexics, fuck alcoholics, fuck emo kids, fuck sex addicts….fuck everyone now that I think about it. Sometimes you have to generalize.

m@rk

Guilt Trip Central

According to THIS article, Ikea is racist and has a dark side. According to a documentary I saw one time, Wal-Mart is a cruel cruel store and according to various claims over the years, Walt Disney is a bigot and a jew hater. But here’s the ultimate question for all of these that nobody ever seems to ask.

WHO THE FUCK CARES?! Seriously. There’s a saying called “Behind Closed Doors”, ok? It basically implies, do whatever you want as long as nobody else would know or care. Look, let’s just say for the sake or argument that Ikea IS racist. Ok, well, it happens somewhere in the management department. Do you SEE it happening on the store floor? Do you see it occuring when you’re picking out your adopted son David’s new desk? No! So LEAVE IT ALONE! Same thing with Disney man. As much as Disney has had proof that they’ve got “non white hate” issues, have you ever seen it REALLY with your own two eyes? And, here’s the bigger question, if it doesn’t AFFECT you, WHY CARE AT ALL!? I don’t understand these people who get involved in these fucking things when it doesn’t affect them AT ALL! Look, I’m all for hating Cancer, ok? I am. Cancer sucks, it’s fat and it’s girlfriend doesn’t love him anymore. But I am against the whole wristband thing or going to fucking cancer protests-whatever the fuck THAT is-because Cancer does not DIRECTLY affect me. Until I GET cancer, I will be all for the research against it and hating it, but will not participate any further than that.

Call me a bad person, ok? Call me whatever you want, I call me realistic. And another thing about racism, alright? Here’s the reason why people can’t get over it. Whenever someone does something horrifically bad, nobody lets them forget it. Say a woman gets into a multi car crashup because she was applying makeup while on a cellphone and giving birth at the same time. Her mother would be like, “Remember that time you multi tasked, yeah, 34 babies in the baby truck wound up dead because of you.” So the main thing about racism is that people want Americans to feel bad about having it had happened. We get it, ok? We fucked up, we’re sorry. GET OVER IT. Same thing with why Mel Gibson will never get past the jew hating because it was the worst thing he’d done and that’s what these people who hate do, they pick the one single worst thing and use it against you forever because it outshines all the GREAT shit you’ve done. Now I can’t remember anything GREAT Mel Gibson has EVER done, but I was just making of example of him.

Much like everyone else.

It’s all about guilt tripping. It’s all about making someone feel bad about themselves so that they crack under the pressure and start being “better” people. Better is a relative word though. I was watching “Back to the Future” on TV today and learned that Crispin Glover apparently has some REALLY weird shit in his house and is considered “weird”. Except weird shit is only weird to the people who DON’T understand it, and who’s to say that their not right and we’re all wrong? We need to just learn to let everyone live their own way unless they’re murdering, raping, molesting or making duckfaces. It’s a wordy goal, but I think it’s necessary for our survival.

m@rk

The Reason Punk Is Dead

I hate to do this to everyone who loves punk music, but it IS dead and I CAN prove it.

Back when punk first came out, the entire idea behind it was to piss of the squares. To rebel, you know? To fight the system. Same with getting pierced (especially if you’re a man) and getting a tattoo and riding a harley. All of these things were made to rebel and fight the system but guess what, there ARE no squares anymore! With every kid being the way they are today and the government being just as bad if not worse than the people then reside over, punk is DEAD. I don’t want to piss of any music enthusiasts because a LOT of my friends ARE either musicians or music enthusiasts, but I’m sorry, SOMEBODY had to say it.

Now just because something isn’t what it used to be doesn’t make not as cool. I mean the same thing happened to The Simpsons. Things just lose interest over time. They don’t have as major an effect on people as they used to, you know? Shock value. It all boils down to shock value. A lot of bands don’t even really rely on music, they rely on shock value. A lot of TV shows rely on this too now. Why do you think teenagers get pierced? A lot of them do it for the shock value on their parents. It’s the same with smoking and drinking and having sex sometimes. I mean basically punk music was another thing that was added onto the list of things that would shock the squares and their parents. Now it’s rap.

If you notice, it went from punk to rap. Rap will end soon though, it’s already starting to. Kanye’s helping THAT one along. I don’t want to call punk a fad though because it spawned a bit of a lifestyle. I fucking hate that word but whatever. But it did, just as goth isn’t a fad, these people actually ARE depressed. Emo however is a FUCKING FAD. Just like the twilight vampires. It’s INSANE. Pretty much everything cool since the beginning of time has been a fad, ultimately. People are always searching for the next big thing. Just like MEMES on the internet even. I mean one year one car is all the rage, one year one movie is all the rage and then the next year we don’t even remember they came out because we’re already so latched onto something new. I’m not saying Punk wasn’t great or that what it did didn’t redefine music in some way, but it’s dead, and I’m sorry to tell you this. I’m not saying to stop listening to Punk, hell, listen to Bryan Adams if you want, what I’m saying is that everything is a fad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Bryan Adams concert to get to.

m@rk

Colonizing Deep Space

Well, a little while ago, I wrote about how NASA was going to fire a rocket at the moon. You can read about that here. Well apparently-according to this article-they actually did find a substantial amount of water on the moon, which indicates that people could start colonizing it one day.

Fantastic. Just what the universe needs. Mankind to live in space. I can’t wait until we start to populate other planets. You know the main reason behind this, don’t you? We know we fucked this planet up so much and used all it’s resources in such a short amount of time, we’re searching for a whole new place to go to and then maybe hoping that within 5 planets we’ll SOMEHOW get it right along the way. We can start colonizing deep space, it’ll be wonderful. Colonize deep space with our microwave burritos and our light up pens and our funny license plates. Can’t you just sense extraterrestrials being SO EAGER for US to show up? Listen, we shouldn’t move onto one planet just because we’ve possibly fucked on one already. History repeats itself, and being that nobody-except historians ironically enough-looks BACK at history, it will CONTINUE to repeat itself until we kil ourselves. All that’s going to happen if we move to the Moon is that we’ll ruin that planet and piss off a whole lot of aliens.

But what’s the alternative? What’s the alternative to colonizing deep space? Or moving to other planets? We can’t fix the planet, apparently, it’s too far gone, and moving to the moon would certainly help our over globalization issue. So what’s the alternative? There really is none. We’re a failed species folks. We’re a failed species, plain and simple. Each species has failed at some point. All we really are is an experiment. An experiment until the universe gets it right. The only reason we’ve even been able to survive THIS long is that we’ve adapted. But really, all we truly are, is a continuation of the dinosaurs. We’re just an extra link, an extra chain. We’re not anymore special than they were. We just like to believe that we were. Here’s what we do, because as usual, I have solved this problem: We let NASA go to the moon first, and to other planets as well and begin to construction, then we weed out the worst possible candidates. We weed out the drug dealers, the alcoholics, the pedophiles, the rapists, murderers, guys who drive SUVS, smokers and men from the south. Then we let THEM stay on Earth while we go build a new civilization and let THEM rot here. Let them have this planet. Ultimately, we are not going to survive, and this isn’t because we suck either. There’s some honesty to that statement. THE SUN WILL GO OUT ONE DAY. We really ARE fucked. We’re not trying to continue the species, we’re trying to prolong the dying.

And really, if I could have the choice of going up into the Moon, I’d decide against it. I’d decide against it. Sure, it’d be a utopian society and everyone would be clean, industrious and helpful and everything would be peachy keen, but you know why I’d stay HERE? With all the misfits? Because those are THE FUN PEOPLE.

m@rk