Coexist

So apparently, there’s a bumper sticker that says “Co Exist” on it, and it’s written with different symbols from different religions and ethnicities.

Yeah, think about that for a second, a BUMPER STICKER that says “Co Exist”. Folks, why are we putting a bumper stickers that say “Co Exist” on our cars? The freeway’s the LAST fuckin’ place that we can co exist! I’m all for coexisting, brilliant idea, really great, would be WONDERFUL if we could accomplish it, but I’m pretty sure that the freeway is NOT the place for such a thing. People can’t coexist around one another when in cars! DRIVE BY SHOOTINGS are a perfect fucking example of that! Do you REALLY THINK that some guy is going to be driving, screaming, “FUCKIN’ JEWS, I HATE THEM, AND THE BLACKS, UGH!” and then see that bumper sticker and be like, “Ya know, he’s right, I SHOULD learn to coexist.”

SHIT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.

Now, it’d be great if it DID, but it doesn’t, and that’s the world we live in. As I said, I’m all for coexisting, genius idea. I would love nothing more than (well, buying a pony, but hey, priorities man) seeing the world learn to live together and love one another in peace. Won’t ever fuckin’ HAPPEN, but it’s something I’d like to SEE happen. Here’s pretty much what I see as to how racism began, but first, I have to say something, this HAS to be said.

White people…you’ll NEVER be as cool as black people, ok?
You’re WHITE…and you’re FUCKING LAME.

Now, racism probably began from the standpoint of white guys saw black guys who they KNEW could take them over easily. They knew african americans could easily become the dominating race, so they did what any white person when scared WOULD do. They complained. They said, “Hey, these guys are dangerous! We should do something about this.” But they didn’t have a REASON, so they said, “Oh, well, they’re BLACK. They’re dangerous, merely because they LOOK different.” Ok, well then. I guess that makes Starfish dangerous. Can you be racist to a zebra? Zebras look different. Hey, a panthers black. Looking different is the fucking lamest way to get someone’s rights taken away. But people were stupid back then…actually people are stupid NOW too, but whatever. Racism is all on the idea of “Hey, this is different, is MUST be bad.” Why do we call something a hostile force? We call enemies in the army a hostile force, why? Because they are DIFFERENT. Anything that’s DIFFERENT…is DANGEROUS.

So, after putting these people through the mill; no voting, no freedom, put to work in the most depressing menial jobs, we then slowly come to our sense and get them freed, and we think that slapping up a few bumper stickers is going to be a good enough sorry to them? White people need to apologize to fucking EVERYONE. We bombed the shit out of Hiroshima, we kicked Korea’s ass, we raped Afghanistan, we killed Iraq’s leader, we enslaved black people, we took land from the Indians. I mean, there’s no color left for white people TO offend! We have to wait until a new color of people is spawned to go “Alright, now we can go harass THESE people!” And we don’t stop at different colors, no, when we ran out of colors, we started turning on our OWN people! THE FUCKING HOLOCAUST. Just because they pray to someone else or have different beliefs, they’re considered dangerous. Yeah, let me get this straight, the people being put into camps, murdered, and gassed…ARE THE DANGEROUS ONES? What the FUCK?! You can’t just enslave people, whip them, rape their women and then a few hundreds after the fact go, “My bad.” As I said earlier:

SHIT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.

Coexisting is a wonderful idea, I hope that one day we CAN coexist. I hope one day we can all learn to get along. I just hope that day comes WAY after I’m dead, because otherwise I’d run out of shit to write about.

m@rk

Rape Whistles

Rape has got to be one of the issues with the most loopholes in it.

Rape itself is forced sex. However, we run into this issue with statuatory rape. Sex with a minor. But here’s the problem with statuatory rape. What if the minor is willing? That can’t be considered rape, because rape is FORCED sex, and if the minor is willing to have sex then it wasn’t FORCED and therefore it wasn’t RAPE! I don’t understand date rape either! I mean, you’ve already got the person out with you, how insecure about yourself are you that you think they won’t like you enough to have sex with you at some point? They’ve already agreed to go OUT with you, so they OBVIOUSLY find you attractive and interesting! And date rape drugs are often used in places where there AREN’T dates! What the fuck is goin’ on in THIS situation?! Everytime some bitch in a bar gets drugged, the report always says, “Well, the rapist used date rape drugs.” But it’s always some random woman, so they weren’t on a date, so it can’t be DATE rape drugs! It’s random rape drugs! Spousal rape is another one that doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense, especially if they’ve already had KIDS! How is it rape IF YOU’RE MARRIED AND ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN?! I can understand forcing it and that can be considered rape, but rape should only be CALLED rape when it’s with a random person. If it’s your wife then it’s just involuntary spousal sex.

There’s also corrective rape, where men rape lesbian women to get them to be straight. That is completely offensive just by the NAME! Being straight isn’t automatically “correct”! And serial rapists, why are these guys always sought after more than serial killers? I mean which is worse, giving someone an orgasm or slitting their throat? Of all the horrible crimes in the world you could commit, giving someone an orgasm-even one they may not want-can’t be the worst thing in the world!

And Rape Whistles, here is technology gone berserk. Rape Whistles are designed to fight of rapists and warn everyone that rape is occurring. Well, there’s a flaw in this plan. What the FUCK is a whistle gonna do? And why can’t a REGULAR whistle be a rape whistle, what the hell’s the difference? Can only police hear rape whistles, is it like a dog whistle? I’m pretty sure there’s no difference between a rape whistle and a regular whistle. And here’s the 2nd problem, purely from a business standpoint. Rape Whistle companies ARE A STUPID FUCKING IDEA. People start rape whistle companies, because they want to reduce the rate of rape. Except, if you reduce the rate of rape then you’ll see an equal decline in whistle sales because without rapists, who’s gonna buy your whistles? EXACTLY.

I left out gang rape because, well it’s pretty self explanitory and not untruthful, it really is a gang of people raping someone.
I can’t fucking tear that apart, it’s too straightforward.

Damn you gang rape.

m@rk

Untimely Demise

I don’t understand the term “untimely demise”. It is a redundant saying because no one ever dies at a convenient time!

Has there ever been a convenient time for someone to die? Unless you’re at court, getting divorced and your husband is on the way there because it’s HIS say that will determine what kind of money you get-if any at ALL-and he is involved in some horrific accident involving a semi-truck, a group of babies and a shiny red ball, then maybe THAT would be convenient for YOU. But not for HIS family, because what if his daughters 1st birthday was coming up! She wanted her daddy there to give her her first present, but no those babies has to kill him.

Fuck you babies.

So if there’s something as an untimely demise, is there such thing as an untimely BIRTH? I know teen pregnancy could be considered one of them, but I mean LITERALLY untimely. Because most of these untimely demise things are often a result of something just HAPPENING, you know? Sudden and shocking. So I want an untimely birth that is sudden and without warning, like, some girl at a party on her way to the punch bowl just starts droppin’ babies everywhere. A woman gives birth while driving to work. In the movie theater. Anywhere at anytime, see now THAT seems like it would be more annoying than an untimely demise. In fact, because we’re all almost born the same way, our births are never all that interesting to talk about. The most interesting thing you can do with your life is END IT.

Let’s be honest, one of the biggest ways-whether you’re famous or not-that people are going to remember you is how you DIE. Some people remember someone they never met for YEARS because of how they died and will bring that person up at a conversation at some point in time when the story seems it’d be funny. Usually at a party or something, when it’s deemed appropriate at that moment.
“Did you hear how that guy on the news died a few years ago? Apparently he was trying to fix his lawnmower and it fell down on top of him and just as he was being taken to the hospital, 8 black bears showed up and started raping him. He died 4 hours later after being brutally attacked by a child in the hospital. She was 8. She beat him to death with her mothers unused tampon.”
And THAT’S how people will remember him. The man who died by tampons.

Unfair? Certainly.
Unjust? You bet ya!
Unfunny? NOT ONE BIT.

m@rk

This Is Not The Blog Post You Are Looking For

Mom, dad, I’m going to be a Jedi.

That’s right, apparently a company called Neurosky (click the picture to find out more, it’s linked) has developed a product that allows your brain waves to be picked up by a transmitter and turned into commands. The device looks like a xbox360 headset, funnily enough. They’re developing it as we speak, but of course, the true inner nerd of me wasn’t excited about this for that reason, oh no, I was excited for the star wars reason.

Apparently, a Star Wars product is in works that allows you to think about moving things and do it, using this product as basically…THE FORCE. Here’s the only problem I have with this thing. It’s going to make people LOSE THEIR JOBS EVEN MORE. That’s all technology does, as it’s supposed to help us get our work done faster, instead it does it so well and better than we do it puts people out of commission. NASA is saying that they want to get a hold of this thing to use it for space shuttles where the astronauts have a hard time, and of course everyone in the business world is going to want one now too. Is it so hard to…I don’t know, learn how to do your job?

But I digress, not on a ranting rage today. I’m too psyched about the Star Wars section of this thing, and imagining not only the fun-but the TROUBLE-I could cause with this. And why only a ping pong ball? That’s the lame part, I wanna be able to move like trucks and shit. See THAT would be cool. Think about lifting up the truck and it would happen, THAT would be cool. You could clear up traffic in an instant! But of course, this thing isn’t going to go to straight to the public first, where does all the cool shit go straight to? The army. Here’s a little chart for you, so we can monitor civilian technology advances with government technology advances:

Microwave Ovens=Civilians
Flamethrowers=Government
Sketchers Light Up Sneakers=Civilians
Cars that can go Underwater=Government
Guitar Hero=Civilians
Headset that allows you to move shit just by thinking about it=Government

I THINK we’re a little out of the loop, people. Of course, it would be AWESOME to be able to just think about my remote control and have it wiggle out of it’s hiding place and come and find me. But really, I begin to think about our technology vs their technology and it’s not fair, it’s NOT. It’s a free country, right? So why can’t I live in my underwater car fighting squids with my flamethrower and thinking about treasure until it appears in front of me. That’s what I really wanna DO with my life, anyway!
Live in an underwater car and fight squids with a flamethrower while making my mind move big rocks so I can find treasure.

That’s the world I one day want to live in.

m@rk

Fuck Mars

Apparently, Nasa is going to shoot a missile at the moon.

Yeah, from what I’ve read, they’re hoping that if they shoot a missile at the moon-which will make a 6 mile high blast, by the way-it will unearth some water. Or, unmoon some water rather. They want to find if there’s water in the planet to see if they can make it possible to have people living there. That’s NOT what a rocket is going to do. Nasa is stupid in THIS voyage. What this thing is GOING to do is knock the moon out of orbit, too close to the Earth and cause tsunamis and the end of civilization. THAT’S what it’s gonna do.

And I can’t believe Nasa even thought they even needed a REASON. Nasa is so acclaimed in their work to the public that they could do anything they WANTED without a reason at this point. “Oh yeah, well we here at Nasa are impregnating Chickens with the fertilized eggs of a transexual women. Why did we do this?…We don’t know…maybe we were high.” I mean I wouldn’t have a reason. If I was going to blow up the moon I’d just be like, “Yeah, I don’t like the way it looks at me okay? It follows me at night and watches me have sex, it’s creepy. IT HAS TO DIE.”

It also makes Nasa sound a little lazy. Think of this for a second. In 1969, Nasa actually sent a shuttle that landed on the moon and a man took his first steps EVER in humanity on it. That was a HUGE accomplishment! If you believe it happened. But now, in 2009, we’re just gonna shoot shit at it. We went from trained people with high IQ’S working diligently around the clock to accomplish large feats never been accomplished by the simple man…to shooting shit at the moon. Nasa has become FUCKING LAZY. They’re not even sending a shuttle out there to do it. If they at least had a shuttle to shoot a rocket at the moon with, then maybe it’d make sense, but no, in this case, they’re just gonna fire a rocket at the moon, like it’s “Asteroids” or something. What the fuck Nasa?

And why the moon? Why not Mars? The moon at least DOES shit for us, it gives us light and makes waves! What the FUCK has Mars done recently? NOTHING! That’s right. Mars is a useless fuckin’ planet. For gods sakes, Mars is such a useless planet, we needed to FIND something for it to do. We named a candy bar after this planet, it couldn’t do anything ITSELF, so we had to FIND something for it to do. Pathetic.

Fuck Mars.

m@rk