Lemmings have gotta be the most depressed creatures in the entire universe. I know what you’re thinking, “My dad gets drunk, comes home and beats me, how can you say that?!” No, you are NOT depressed, you are just screwed, and then there’s THIS one, “I cut myself because my girlfriend broke up with me!” You’re not depressed either. You’re just f*cking stupid.
Lemmings, for those of you who don’t know, are these little, almost hamster like animals that when their population becomes too great in numbers, all go to a cliff, and commit mass suicide. Fun stuff. But they really have gotta be the most depressed, like, it’s a cult. It’s a serious cult. Yeah, no really, it is, they’re like those people who followed the commet. It’s a CULT.
A cult made of fuzzy cute little bastards.
That’s the most dangerous kinda cult there is, because no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from hugging and squeezing them and then not wanting to let them down, you join their cult. It’s just funny to me, and how many different ways are there for a Lemming to commit suicide? They can’t hang themselves or shoot themselves in the face, they don’t have the hands to do that, they have the brain, because anything that wants to commit suicide has at least a human brain. Humans are the only creatures in this world that wants to take their own and OTHER people’s lives. We’re gotta be the most interesting buncha folk around here. But Lemmings have to find their own personal ways to do it. Natural ways. Jump off cliffs, or jump off cliffs that are over an ocean, jump in front of trains, they can’t drink cool aid, but uh….they could just hang out in the bad part of town, mess around with the dope pushers.
THAT’LL get ya killed.
So Lemmings are really in a bad situation. Because you know the way this society is going, what with “fat” people needing “help to lose weight” (because there’s something SO AWEFUL about obesity) that eventually, Dr. Phil will catch on, and start to say, “Next up on this show, we have a real problem, with a little creature who wants to take his life, we have to get him help, please welcome, LemmiWinks!” And then the lemming will come out, flipping everybody off and being like, “F*ck you all, I don’t need no help! I can do what I want, it’s my life!”
So that’s Lemmings for ya, I also wrote a song about it which will be up on the Lynching Sputnic myspace page.
MW
