Deep Fried Feces
I was in a public restroom today.
And there was a stool floating in the toilet of the stall I was using.
As I stood there, peeing, and staring at this thing, which oddly enough looked like Hillary Clinton (that’s right, I don’t vote, but I support Obama), I began to wonder the hypothetical situation of food shortage. Clearly we have many problems in the times we are in right now, our world is trouble, and a bit endangered. Food shortage, water shortage, that really funny joke about global warming, but here’s my take on the food shortage, thanks to the Hillary Clinton nugget.
HYPOTHETICAL FOOD SHORTAGE SITUATION:
Suppose the world runs out of food. Like….TOMORROW. And we are all forced, instead, not to eat food, but to eat sh*t. It’s like the old George Carlin question of “If you crash land on an island, and have to eat somebody, who do you eat? Do you all gang up on the wimpy guy because he can’t fight back, or all gang up on the body builder ’cause he’s got a buncha steaks and chops on him?” Same goes with this. If you have to eat poop, I would assume the best poop to eat would have to be a vegetarians poop. I am trying very hard to become vegan right now, and so I guess you could call this the next step in my program. But seriously, the people who work out, and the people who eat well, will have the best poop. Definition of Feces and it’s componants are as follows:
Feces are mostly made of water (about 75%). The rest is made of dead bacteria that helped us digest our food, living bacteria, protein, undigested food residue (known as fiber), waste material from food, cellular linings, fats, salts, and substances released from the intestines (such as mucus) and the liver. Although feces are made up of about 75% water, this number varies from person to person, depending on how long the feces stay in the intestine. Since the intestines absorb water from the feces, diarrhea (poop that passes quickly through the intestines) will contain more water and retained feces (which stay in the intestines for a longer amount of time) will contain less. Another point worth mentioning is that fiber helps feces pass along the intestine.
So there ya have it. Irrifutible proof that it’s okay. Protein, fats, salts, water, and undigested food residue. If Vegans eat or just general healthy people, eat anything with those in it, their poop could come out tasting like food from The Olive Garden. I guess if there was a proctologist who was forced to eat poop because of the food shortage, it would give an entire new meaning to the slogan, “Finger lickin’ good!”
PARTY QUESTION:
Would YOU eat feces to survive?
BONUS PARTY QUESTION:
WHICH feces would you eat? Vegans/Healthy or a Meat Lovers/Unhealthy?
MW
March 21, 2009 at 12:45 am
I would most definately eat a big dookie to survive. And whether or not I chose the vegan or meat eaters would depend on how they scored during my interview. Attititude and intelligence has got to account for something when it comes to turd production. Personally, I think any weekend turd fest from any typical college party guy would be primo breakfast for me. And that’s even if there’s not a shortage of food going on. Squat over my plate and pass me the fork. Mmmm, Mmmm, Good!