LightBoobs

In the way of more great marketing ideas, almost anything erotic always gets bought. I came up with a great idea to make a ton of money, and of course, being a guy, it falls into that category. I think that someone should make lightbulbs, but put little nipples on them and call them LightBoobs, because you just KNOW that people would buy them. Hell, I might even buy them. They’d be funny just to watch light up.

I’m just saying that I know for a fact that it would get made because it’s a great marketing idea, and as I said before, erotic items always get made. They even have erotic cakes, so apparently I’m right about this. You can’t deny that you wouldn’t buy one. You know you totally would. Perv.

It’s okay, in this day and age, it’s cool to be a pervert and to buy perverted items. It’s just the way the world is now. A letter in every mailbox, a turkey in every oven, a car in every garage, and two lightboobs in every socket. Even THAT sounds kinda filthy.

M@rk

Jesus Fudge Ripple

I was at a grocery store like, 45 minutes ago, and on the checkoutline was a small poster promoting something called “Noah’s Bagels”. They were even neatly packed in a small brown box on the poster. So, in theory, Noah even built an Ark for his f*cking bagels. This led to me ask myself, “Ya know, there’s alot of religious belief, and that means marketability. Look at christmas. I’m surprised other holidays havn’t caught on. So why aren’t there more things like Noah’s Bagels? Religious food stuff?” This led to my creation of the latest religious food crazes.
If there’s gonna be Noah’s Bagels, then I wanna see some Moses Donuts. I’d also like to see some Tao Tacos (not really a religion, more of a philosophy), and Buddahist Pizza. I was gonna say Buddahist Priests as the joke, but I figured it’d already been done enough times. Why add more to what’s already contradicting it’s name? However, this culmination of Religious Foods led me to the GREATEST religious food creation.

If there’s gonna be Noah’s Bagels, then I’d like to eat some Jesus Fudge Ripple. It’d be the ice cream Fudge Ripple, but it would have a gold lid (like his halo) and it’d be white and red container (his robe, and sash) and then the ice cream fudge part is already brown (like his beard). And besides, people are always saying they’ve seen Jesus in frickin’ Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. Well where the f*ck is the Jesus Fudge Ripple?! Just the name ALONE sounds delicious.

“Hey honey, I’m at Lucky’s, what do you want?”
“Pick up some bread, some milk, and some Jesus Fudge Ripple.”

How do you NOT love something like that?
It almost makes me wanna believe in God.

M@RK