This morning I couldn’t find my belt.
I really hate going out without it, for two reasons. For one, I don’t have anything to keep the young children at bay, and secondly, my pants keep falling off my ass. That’s what scares me more, is that I may accidentally pants myself. All throughout school, I’ve heard that people have been pantsed, I’ve also seen it happen, not a very pretty sight. But what’s more humiliating that inducing that humiliation upon YOURSELF? I have to walk around with my hands in my pockets all day now because of this. The reason my pants don’t fit is because I can’t find the right size, they’re all either too big or too small, so I buy one that’s usually a size bigger than it needs to be, and even though I know they aren’t the right size, I buy more of the same pants because I need them. One way of pantsing yourself could come from sitting on the bus. I could get up, but my shirt could be caught under my butt, and when I stand up to fix it, my pants could ALSO come down. You know that dream where you come to school but forget your clothes, and are just wearing underwear? This is like that. Except I’m not even wearing THOSE. Self-Induced Pantsing has got to be up there in the category of “most embarassing things you can do to yourself in high school”. This group also includes not finding a date for the prom, going to prom with your mother because you can’t find a date, and ending the prom night by being the only guy who got any. In the immortal words of Edgar Allen Poe, “Here I sit all broken hearted, came to poop but only farted.”
Or something like that.
M@RK
