Legal Pornography

My GF was reading a book last night, and in it was a good couple pages and scattered paragraphs about two people have sex on the side of the road in some bush (no pun intended) next to a car. I realized that this, along with healthbooks, are considered legal underage pornography. Basically, the rule is, you can’t buy porn until you are 18, HOWEVER, with this book, and other books like it, because I have seen some and read some myself, you can buy them and read them and get off to what the author has written. You’d have to be SERIOUSLY perverted to go THAT far to wank. The even WORSE part about this is the healthbook situation, because not only would an underage kid be READING this porn, but they’d be reading it AT SCHOOL! IN THEIR TEXTBOOK!

And as aweful as I made it sound, I think it’s actually a great way for horny pent up teens to jerk off without getting into any sort of legal trouble. Of course, I’ve got some weird views on things as it is, so, ya know, whatever. This was an awesome discovery nontheless, so I’m totally going to thank her for discovering it. Thank you!

M@RK

InterSystem Dating

Macs and PCs have AMAZING features, I’m not gonna get into the stupid system war. BUT, they both are great at what they do. Unfortunatetly, Macs writing app (AppleWorks) went down the tube and they adapted MS Word, and Microsoft took Macs internet browser, Safari. So there’s a lot of cross gender platforms. I like to call it, “InterSystem Dating”. There’s interracial dating, where two people of a different race date, and there SHOULD as well be interreligious dating, where two people of a different religion date, I’m actually kinda surprised as HELL that it doesn’t exist already. But InterSystem Dating is when you mix platforms with apps from other platforms. It’s actually quite common, just today I was on Mac and using MS Word. Evenutally everything’s going to be in one console anyway, one monitor, a mac and a pc combined. It’ll be the super computer we’ve all been waiting for. It’ll run everything. And it shall be called:

“The Pac”.

Oh I’m good.

M@RK

The BITCH Test

I have recently come to discover that the word BITCH is not bad AT ALL. There are other swear words like this, for example:
Hell
Damn
That’s actually it. I was going to put shit, but that one is still considered bad, even though I don’t understand how a natural body function can be considered bad. Whatever. The word BITCH is not bad. Just like Hell is not bad. Hell is, supposedly, a place you can go to when you die, and have been evil. Like Hitler, John Wilkes Booth, and Janet Jackson. If said enough times in repeat, the word BITCH eventually loses all feeling and meaning. I know this because yesterday I said the word BITCH over and over and OVER AND OVER….and it got stupid after a while, it started to sound like a normal word, and it shares a similarity with HELL as in the idea that ‘it is a thing’. A BITCH is a female dog, just like HELL is a place and SHIT is something you do. They’re just different terms for them. That being said, I have to admit I would be EXTREMELY uncomfortable if some 6 year old came into the kitchen and told his mother, “Mommy mommy, that bitch just took a shit all over the carpet, now she’ll go to hell!”

THAT would be akward and unnacceptable, FUNNY, certainly, but akward and unnacceptable. Anyway, try the test, say it enough times, to someone, or to yourself, and eventually the word will lose all meaning and feeling, as with SHIT and HELL. That’s my logic. That’s my reasoning. You’re trying it. You’re my bitch.

M@RK

Foot Puns

ZIP IT PASSPORT SOCKS
Carry Your Passport Safely Out Of Sight

Want peace of mind when traveling? Keep your passport and cash securely tucked in this zippered sock! You’ll always feel it right next to you, and it’s easy access when crossing borders or registering at hotels.
Yes, this IS a true thing! My GF found it, bless her little weasel sniffing heart. I say weasel sniffing because this is SUCH a weasel idea. Your passport would wreek of foot stink and you would always be handing it to people. As with money. However, you have to pay someone a poket bet? Use the cash from your sock. That’ll teach them the agony of DAFEET.
Ah yes, foot puns, I am such a HEEL.

M@RK

30 Pounds

According to the scale in my bathroom, I have lost 30 pounds, which is odd because unbeknownst to me, I didn’t think I even HAD 30 pounds. I’ve always been fairly skinny, then I was aware I either gained some weight, or that a family of gophers had crawled up into my stomach through my anus and were living there for some time, because I did start to look kind of heavy. So I’ve either been “dieting” (not eating) very well, or I took a large dump and shat the little gophers out. Either way, I’ve lost 30 pounds. The odd thing to me, is how vain it makes me sound. I mean, looks are not important to me one bit, and if you see how I dress you’d know this for a fact. So why should this be such a big deal? I don’t know. I just know for the past 4 months or so I’ve felt great, and these past 2 weeks or so I’ve felt somewhat FANTASTIC. I know my GF has had a lot to do with that, in the making me feel better about myself part, but how did I lose 30 pounds? I don’t work out, or run laps or do ANYTHING physical, and the most “dieting” I do is either not eating dinner some nights at all because I lose track of time, or my mom makes me eat super healthy. I’ve stopped eating meat completely, so that’s been working out and maybe that has a lot to do with it. Other than that, don’t know. I guess it’s good though, my CCOC teacher says I look good, which is a good and creepy compliment to get from a nearing 60 year old guy.

But whatever, I’m skinnier than he is, so who cares.

M@RK