Stonehenge

I was looking at stonehenge and easter island today. I usually have no interest in historic items of interest, but these are WEIRD historic items of interest, so I figure they suit me perfectly. Anyway, I started searching the site (http://www.world-mysteries.com/mpl_3.htm), some of which I knew about, some of which were new and really impressed me, and some of which were just kind of “eh”.

But then I clicked on the Stonehenge, and as all the articles did, this one had pictures too. This was the one that caught my eye:

Now, this one caught my eye ’cause apparently, before it was fenced off (which I later learned) and you need a tour guide to see it now, you could just get there off one of the turn offs from the highway. There are several of them. Stonehenge is the equivalent of a sh*tty Donut Shop in this instance. I noticed that there was a bit of a small town about a 2 minute ride away from Stonehenge, so how’s that work?
“Honey, what do you wanna do this weekend?”
“Oh, let’s take the kids to Stonehenge!”
‘Cause kids LOVE to learn about educational things on their weekends, right?

I hope, and plan, to visit all of these places eventually.
Of course, first I need money, a car, and to graduate.

Oh, and the influence to actually get my lazy arse off the internet.

M@RK

New Hobby

My father (not my step-dad) is a recovering alcoholic, he only ever recovers from the hangovers.

But I don’t like the idea of AA meetings. I mean, I get their importance and stuff, but honestly, my question is, what do these people do with all their now spare time that USED TO BE SPENT drinking?
Do they find new hobbies?
Be downtown, bump into a friend you haven’t seen in a couple of months, “Hey Ted, what’re you doin’ down here?”
“Just left my latest AA meeting, gettin’ sober.”
“Ya stopped drinking! Good for you, so uh, what’s yer hobby now?”
“I kill people.”

Is this REALLY what we want to be doing to people? I’m not saying people who drink will kill people. I’m saying people who used to drink who suddenly need new hobbies to fill the void may start killing people. Or performing tax fraud. Or…join a race gang, IDK. I get the purpose of the meetings, just doesn’t seem normal to me to suddenly have nothing to do after you stop drinking. That’s why, if I ever became an alcoholic (a good chance if I start drinking, just ’cause of my genes from my father), I’m gonna plan this sh*t out BEFOREHAND. I think I’d make a list, a list of what hobbies I could take up after I stop drinking.

Smoking crack would be a good one, right at the top of the list.
Neutering my dogs.
Neutering OTHER PEOPLE’S dogs.

Or you could throw a big party of some kind I ’spose. Ya know, celebrate, be happy that you accomplished something so grand. Invite a bunch of people over, order some appetizers, and then have a drink to celebrate, one last drink before you’re totally sober.

You’d wake up the next morning in Montana, with no pants, on a golf course, and holding a pinata.
That’s a new hobby for you and your friends, the fun game of, “WHAT THE F*CK DID I DO LAST NIGHT AFTER I GOT HAMMERED?!”

M@RK

Safe-Saving

I was reading my health book for class yesterday, and apparently, there is such a thing as “Safe-Saving”. Now, it’s not actually called this, I made the name up for my own amusement. But it toally represents it. There’s always adults telling kids to have safe-sex, use condoms, contraceptives, anything to keep STDs and HIV from getting spread. If you must, wrap your junk in serane wrap.

But, safe-saving has the same theory. In my health book, it said that if you witness an accident, you are required, whether you have the license or not, to perform CPR or any type of help of any kind, but if you do so, do it safely. If they are bleeding, or throw up, or have a gag reflex and spit comes out, it may get in your mouth. So, wear a mask like the surgeons wear, and wear surgical gloves.

Because people just HAPPEN to carry these things around right? They just sit in the back of your car. Ya know, along with your pig guts, bolt action rifle, and cardboard cutout of Lindsay Lohan in her stripped outfit from “I know who killed me.”

I think the idea is good, don’t get me wrong, being safe in both instances is wonderful, but you need to be safe for EVERYTHING now! For god sakes, I had to put on a biohazard suit just to slice a freaking carrot yesterday! I just think sometimes we go too far. What if the person doesn’t HAVE a mask or gloves, what THEN? Do they just let the guy lay there bleeding, be like, “Bob, I know you’re in blinding mortal pain, but seriously dude, I didn’t bring my safe-saving sh*t to work today, sorry man. Hey, I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go get something to drink, you want anything?”

I just think it’s stupid sometimes. People need to take a little risk sometimes. Then again, there’s the dumb homophobic viewpoint, if a guy is unconscious, and another guy has to give him mouth to mouth, he’s INSTANTLY, without a fair trial, deemed homosexual by those around him. Did you know, DID YOU KNOW, that when you’re having your autopsy, the mortician will actually wear gloves?

That’s how far this thing goes. I guess for some people, you’re even untouchable after death.

Like Joan Rivers will be.

M@RK

Summer Activies…

…Suck.

One of the reasons I’m so happy to be 18 is that nobody can schedule me to do ANYTHING in the summer anymore. When I was little, I remember people being able to set me up in summer programs. When I was about 10 or 11, my aunt sent me and my step-sister to Art Camp. They actually have a camp to teach you how to draw. Because it’s so difficult to pick up a pencil and doodle Snoopy onto a peice of paper, right? I went to hundreds of camps throughout my life as a kid, and they were all terrible, the worst had to be sports camp.

Sports camp was a camp designed to make children feel inaddequate, embarassed, and akward. It also succeeded in the art of making children’s self esteem and confidence shatter, which it did most thoroughly. Being not the most athletic child in the world, this camp was torture for me. I remember one thing though that never made sense to me. At Sports Camp, they made us play board games. Because apparently, Connect 4 is a f*cking sport, right?

I think the camp was run by Hitler.

But being 18, now I can do whatever I want, except I’m CHOOSING to go to summer school and a summer video production program. But nobody can make me take swimming lessons or anything anmore. And it’s a wonderful feeling. And, the best thing is that with the economy in such a slump as it is, nobody can make me get a job because NOBODY can get a job, and even the people who HAVE jobs are having a hard time keeping the ones they’ve got.

So, that all being said, summer activities suck, and the only thing I’m looking forward to is my birthday. Not so I can become a year older, ’cause all I did was not die for another year. I’m looking forward to my birthday because I get presents and will actually feel loved for once in a blue moon. Except even my birthday, being in July, seems like somethingt that somebody rigorously planned out for me to enjoy as an activity.

Sh*t.

M@RK

Least You Could Do

There’s a saying that always confuses me, it’s when something happens, say someone dies, and you go the funeral. You give the surviving family a gift, and they thank you.

Then you make the courteous mistake of saying, “Well, it’s the least I could do.”

Um, not it isn’t. Because you had to go through the trouble of buying a gift, and then going to the funeral, dressing nicely, there was a lot of sh*t that was involved in this process It took a lot of planning, effort, and time on your part. I’m pretty sure the LEAST you could do is NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. Ya get a card in the mail and it says, “Dear Bill,
We regret to inform you that Dick has passed away, we would like to invite you to his post-life ceremony.”

There are millions of things wrong with that letter. First off, your name’s not even Bill. To post office sucks okay? Secondly, sometimes, SOMETIMES, you only know the person who died through someone else, ya know? You’re not even that close to ‘em, and all of a sudden you’re buying a gift for their family?! I really doubt a gift is gonna help.
“Listen Miss Tassle, I know it’s not much consolation, but here’s a small token of sorrow on my part, I got you a small something, it’s a Blender.”
She’d look at it, and then back at you and be like, “The f*ck’s a blender gonna do Bob? Bring him back from the DEAD?!”
These presents don’t do ANYTHING!

Skip the present crap.

Onto the next issues, “post-life ceremony”.
This is just plain F*CKIN’ stupid! What is it before your born? When you’re a fetus, are you PRE-life?
And it’s not a ceremony. Okay? It’s a WAKE. The dude just died, don’t make it sound like a joyous occasion!

Ya wanna know the least ya could do?
THROW THE F*CKIN’ CARD IN THE TRASH! OR DON’T EVEN OPEN IT!

I’m here to give you folks a little advice.
It’s the least I can do.

M@RK