Least You Could Do

There’s a saying that always confuses me, it’s when something happens, say someone dies, and you go the funeral. You give the surviving family a gift, and they thank you.

Then you make the courteous mistake of saying, “Well, it’s the least I could do.”

Um, not it isn’t. Because you had to go through the trouble of buying a gift, and then going to the funeral, dressing nicely, there was a lot of sh*t that was involved in this process It took a lot of planning, effort, and time on your part. I’m pretty sure the LEAST you could do is NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. Ya get a card in the mail and it says, “Dear Bill,
We regret to inform you that Dick has passed away, we would like to invite you to his post-life ceremony.”

There are millions of things wrong with that letter. First off, your name’s not even Bill. To post office sucks okay? Secondly, sometimes, SOMETIMES, you only know the person who died through someone else, ya know? You’re not even that close to ‘em, and all of a sudden you’re buying a gift for their family?! I really doubt a gift is gonna help.
“Listen Miss Tassle, I know it’s not much consolation, but here’s a small token of sorrow on my part, I got you a small something, it’s a Blender.”
She’d look at it, and then back at you and be like, “The f*ck’s a blender gonna do Bob? Bring him back from the DEAD?!”
These presents don’t do ANYTHING!

Skip the present crap.

Onto the next issues, “post-life ceremony”.
This is just plain F*CKIN’ stupid! What is it before your born? When you’re a fetus, are you PRE-life?
And it’s not a ceremony. Okay? It’s a WAKE. The dude just died, don’t make it sound like a joyous occasion!

Ya wanna know the least ya could do?
THROW THE F*CKIN’ CARD IN THE TRASH! OR DON’T EVEN OPEN IT!

I’m here to give you folks a little advice.
It’s the least I can do.

M@RK