My guinea pig died yesterday morning, and my mother is kinda religious, so those two facts now out, of course you all know she would state at some point during that day, “Well, at least he’s in a better place now.”
Ya know, lying to kids about stuff is bad enough. Kids grow up and learn there’s no such thing as say, Tooth Fairy or whatever, but they also say that the biggest most horrific realization in a childs life is the one that eventually, everyone and everything dies. So to lie to a kid about their biggest most horrific realization is just fucked up on SOOO many levels. Because I guarantee you that if you told a kid that, you could dig up their grandmother and uh…guess what, hey! She’s STILL DOWN THERE! She’s still in the dirt, underground, her bones haven’t transported or anything. There IS NO better place. And if there IS a better place, where IS it? You think we’d have found it by now.
Is it Connecticut? I doubt it. I certainly know I wouldn’t like to spend the rest of my eternity in Connecticut. Look, all I’m saying is don’t lie to children, even if they deserve it for being the lil bastards they are. I also have a little proposition for the afterlife business, ok? So I think only people who are going to Heaven (that’s IF these places existed btw) should be buried, because it’s a safe place, ya know? In a box, nothing can get to you, ok. I think all the people going to Hell should be cremated. So criminals, politicians, parents, and hey, let’s even throw in teachers, should all be cremated.
I also think I have the best revenge plan ever. Become your worst enemies best friend, ok? So that years from now, after they die, you can have them cremated, and then spread their ashes in the worst place possible. Or have a dog pee in the urn. I would have made a GREAT evil mastermind, but the hours are too long.
m@rk
