So, I call people every so often, and when they’re not answering-as much people’s phones do-a machine picks up the call for them. And I’ve noticed that every answering machine, ends up having about the same message:
“You’ve reached Jim Smith, I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the phone, but please leave your name, number, and I’ll get back to you.”
Ok, first of all, we haven’t reached Jim Smith. We’ve reached Jim Smith’s ANSWERING MACHINE. If we’ve reached Jim Smith….HE’D BE FUCKING ANSWERING HIS PHONE AND WE’D BE TALKING TO HIM! Secondly, don’t apologize about not being able to come to the phone, it’s not as if we’re disappointed, most of us are pretty much glad we don’t have to talk on the phone anyhow, and would more than likely rather speak to a machine than to your face. Thirdly, I’m pretty sure we can take out the whole “leave your name” speech at this point. Come on people, it’s been like, what? A few hundred years now? I’m pretty sure we know what to do at this point.
Make your answering machine something awesome, something like, like George Costanza’s from “Seinfeld” or just something cool in general. Or make it something funny, say like, “See, I don’t you like too much to answer the phone, so I installed this computer to make it seem like I care. Thanks for calling! Leave your message after the click.”
Then make it so all they hear is a dialtone ’cause it hung up.
Answering machines are stupid.
m@rk
