So, in my post on friday-entitled “Asteriks”-I stated that it would be great to be able to have a sexual resume on hand to give to whomever you’re with, or whomever you’d LIKE to be with. Today I thought I’d actually do a rare follow up on that topic. I have completed (yes, actually DID something for this one) a resume which is listed at the bottom of this entry. I am going to explain my reasons of why I think this is such a good god damned idea first though.
Alright, first off, you know how people meet right? It’s HARD to find someone, let alone someone you’d be interested in, or who would get along with YOU. That’s one reason that this is such a good idea. Because then it can actually serve the purpose of telling you what their hobbies are, sexual preferences are, all that sort of stuff, and you’d know immediately if you’d be interested in them, or interested in what they’d like to accomplish in bed. Another good thing about this resume thing would have to be the fact that you can always check references. If you’re unsure about someone’s say…mental health or um, their performance in bed, you can always call up or e-mail their former and previous lovers and find this shit out. You’d always get a straight answer. Hell, it would basically be more of a relationship resume then a sexual one. Same thing with experience. You could see how long they’ve been actively participating in handeling relationships and sexual activies, because let’s be brutally honest, after 14, most girls aren’t virgins anymore, seriously, to think otherwise is just kidding yourself. That way, if you’re liking the potential boy/girlfriend’s hobbies, and get rave responses from previous and former lovers, and a flying colors review on how long they’ve been dating/having sex for and are good at it, then fuck, you may just be a good match!
Girls AND guys should have this sort of thing. A while back I said it would be a great thing to be able to interview everybody in your life, and so now here’s sort of the follow up to THAT as well. Not only is there an interview, but there’s a RESUME now too! I should just start my own dating service at this point. So posted below is the official relationship resume, and they are always available for upgrades and add-ons.
Good luck and may the best canidate win!
PHONE (408) 555-7856 (fake)
Mark Wiland
Objective My object is to make the person I am with happy. I want to be able to help them to feel comfortable with me and to provide a sense of comfort and support when needed. I hope to achieve these goals and would be happy for the opportunity to attempt them.
Interests and activities I actually am a very romantic person (despite any evidence, even my own, suggests against it) and heavily enjoy just spending time relaxing with the person I’m with. I also enjoy reading, going for walks, seeing movies, and making the person I’m with laugh. I also enjoy candle lit dinners.
Work experience [ December 27th 2007 to May 8th 2008 ] [ N/A, CA ]
Boyfriend
I was called very comforting and supportive and actually helped someone with their family issues at one point, ultimately to the point of strengthening the bond with her family. I also helped her with schoolwork and was there for her whenever she needed someone.
Volunteer experience I once felt bad for a girl in Freshman year. She had virtually no friends and was ultimately not that great looking, but she WAS nice. So I took it unto myself to be her boyfriend. We eventually broke up over e-mail when I left the school.
Hobbies My hobbies in a romantic relationship include:
*Cuddling
*Taking complete care of my significant other
*Kissing
My hobbies in a sexual relationship include:
*Anal
*Oral (for both parties)
*Swallowing (for both parties)
*Facial
References I have two references, both contactable.
