Stress

My friend Bree invited me to her house to help her bake bread, and no that is NOT a sex euphemism.

So we baked sweet bread, and it was wonderful, but the thing you have to understand about this girl, is she may be more miserable than I am, which makes her PRETTY DAMN MISERABLE. So anyway, I noticed she was stressed and she used the term, “Stress Baking.” She said specifically, “When things get to difficult and I can’t handle them, I stress bake, which is bad because then I stress EAT.” Stress baking? It gives you relief, like smoking, or masturbating. So this stress thing could be used for anything? I do stress cleaning, I know that. When I get under the wire for something and have to relieve stress, I stress clean (or I do something else I already mentioned) and so I know this form of stress relief exists.

So I started to think that maybe it would be useful in other areas. Like, if I get stressed enough, can I kill somebody? Specifically the person who’s stressing me out? Stress killing, or stress murder, or stress homicide, whichever you prefer. Or how about stress beating? Just beat the person, don’t kill them. Do guys get so tense and built up with sexual frustration that they stress rape? That relieves stress, we know that! A variety of things you could use this for, and for excuses as well!

“I’m sorry Mr. Peters, I don’t have my homework, it got me so stressed out, I had to shoot a puppy in the face.”

Stress puppy killing. Okay that one doesn’t really fly as well, but whatever. I think stress rape actually exists, I think that IS the real reason for rape. Stress baking just seemed like an odd enough term that it deemed itself worthy of a bloggity blog.

And dear god please tell me I did NOT just say bloggity blog.

Oh fuck, now I have to go clean.

m@rk