I may get a new puppy.
I have always wanted a dog of my own ever since I was a little kid, and I may finally have the chance. But I don’t want any ordinary puppy, no. I want like, the most amazing, awesome, stupendous puppy ever put on this earth. I want my puppy to be able to find my remote control, and cook my dinner for me. I want my puppy to be able to drive to the store to pick up something. I want my puppy to end world hunger. I think I would call my puppy Max, for the irony factor considering he’d be so tiny. I would train my puppy to bring me soda from the fridge and to do my laundry.
I would also potty train my puppy, but I would potty train him to go-not in my house-but in my friends houses instead. I would go over, bring my puppy and have him lay a deuce on the carpet, so that even after all the hours of scrubbing, there will always be puppy turd shards embedded deep into the fibers of their carpet. I would also get my puppy a small go cart that I could set a route on so that it could take him on walks by itself. I could even start an organization to raise money for anti-war rallies called “Puppies for Peace”. And of course, the cuteness.
I would learn to harness the cuteness from my puppy so that I could use it for my own evil agenda. I would use his cuteness on my girlfriend, so that all I have to do is look at her with big puppy eyes and she would hug me forever. I would stick him a small cell, and study him for hours, learning just what noises and looks he makes that would make him irresistible. And of course, I would have a dozen teenage girls sitting around the cell watching to get their reactions. Just so I know how different the reactions would be between something so cute as cocking my head to the side and raising my ears to something not so cute, such as say…vomiting on the carpet after a meal.
Puppies are fun.
m@rk
