I was going through my friend Daniel’s wallet the other day, and I noticed he had a planned parenthood card in it that actually said, “Planned Parenthood: Show this card at the door and get a free soda and slice of pizza!”
I, of course-being the sick and twisted fucker I AM-found this HYSTERICAL.
It only made me think about how much people will do for free stuff. You know those subway club cards, the ones that say, “The tenth one with the stamp, you get a free sub!” That’s what I mean. But I think people are taking it to the extreme when it gets to the level of getting 9 abortions so the tenth one is free, and you get a scooter. That’s a little too far in my opinion. What if this was actually happening in other places too? Could you imagine these sort of cards for funeral homes?
“The first 9 deaths are on you, the 10th is free. Unless you all die at the same time, in which cash we take care of you ALL!”
I would love to see this pushed to the limit of fuckedupivity. Alot of fast food restaurants I noticed do this. Clothing stores sometimes do, I know Hot Topic does. What it is is an extra incentive to keep buying stuff.
See basically, the fatcats of the economy know people will ALWAYS buy more of what they WANT than what they NEED, and so they figured, “Hey, here’s an easy way to give them an incentive to buy MORE!” If something is FREE, people will do what they have to in order to get to it! It’s just a fact of fucking life. This way, the American people can buy more, and not feel guilty about spending all their money on their shoes, instead of their son, Billy’s cancer medicine.
“Billy, mommy NEEDED these LD Turtles, she couldn’t afford your medicine this month sweetie.”
Suddenly, Billy goes limp in her arms, and she starts shaking him to get him to wake. She’s crying, hysterical, weeping uncontrollably, screaming, “Billy, Billy wait, mommy has to ask you one VERY important thing before you go!”
Billy would slowly open his eyes, a grin growing over his face, and ask, “Did you wanna ask me if I knew you loved me mommy?”
And she would reply, “No, I wanted to ask you if these shoes look good?”
m@rk
