So apparently, my girlfriends father has programmed into his cell phone, my number. That’s pretty cool, her dad is awesome. Here’s the not so awesome part. He’s programmed me in as “Sissy’s Thang”-Sissy being his petname for her. I think I can honestly, without a doubt and hands down, that “thang” is THE MOST insulting term EVER devised by the human mind.
But you know what, it’s more interesting than Mark Wiland. What’s more interesting on a novel cover?
“The Ferret Vampires of eternal Wrench Humping” by Mark Wiland
OR
“The Ferret Vampires of eternal Wrench Humping” by Sissy Thang.
It’s a good stage name. I have a stage name, it’s Ethan Fisher. That’s what I use when I’m not sure if I like what I’ve written and don’t want to expose myself to the world. Plus that’d be illegal in certain states. I can only think that I’m going to start using this name for EVERYTHING now. When I go to my bank next time, I’m going to open a new account under the name Sissy Thang. I’m going to get a loan from that bank, open and restaurant and call it, “Eat at Sissy’s Thang” and I’m going to have a daughter and name her Sissy Thang Wiland. And she will more than likely kill me in my sleep. I’ve been called worse things…or…THANGS, in my day by other people. Believe me. I’ve been called the “F” word, I’ve been called the “B” word, I was once called the “Q” word. My enemies know a LOT of swears. But to be called “Thang” is almost degrading. It wouldn’t hurt if it was “Seirra’s Thang” because that’s her REAL name. But to have the word “Thang”-which describes ME-to be preceded by the petname “Sissy’s” almost makes my inner child cry.
Thankfully amongst my friends, I don’t have a petname. They just call me Mark. Well, Mark and Faggot.
m@rk
