It’s Come To My Attention…

It’s come to my attention that I absolutely HATE EVERYTHING.
And really, what’s to like? I mean, people tell me “positive reinforcement” works. They tell me that if I tell myself, “I am awesome, I can do anything” then that’s what will happen. That’s not true. Little kids say they’re going to President and how many [...]

Fuck You Very, Very Much

Fuck you.
Fuck you dad who wasn’t there to take care of me in the most critical years. Fuck you dad who wasn’t there to take care of me when I was having social and school problems. Fuck you both, the first made us run, the second took my mother away from me so she could [...]

Only You Can Prevent Chihuahua Attacks

My girlfriend told me yesterday that Chihuahua’s were bred to kill bears.
Yeah, picture that. Picture a pack of Chihuahua’s taking down a bear. That’s apparently what they were bred for. That makes about as much sense as virgin college girls. I mean, it’s INSANE. I hope whoever came up with THAT idea got fired pretty [...]

Son Of A Beach

I moved to Capitola over the weekend, so let me ask you logical people a question.
What is this almost religious fascination people have with the ocean? I mean, it’s water. I could turn on my sink faucet and see the same god damned thing. It’s not something special. It’s not like it’s a Volcano, or [...]

Jello For Jesus

I love eating food.
I am one of those people who can’t get fat even if I TRY. And I HAVE tried. But it was only to see if I COULD. I have a fast metabolism and good genes, so I’m pretty well set on never being obese, but I DO have a problem with food [...]