I moved to Capitola over the weekend, so let me ask you logical people a question.
What is this almost religious fascination people have with the ocean? I mean, it’s water. I could turn on my sink faucet and see the same god damned thing. It’s not something special. It’s not like it’s a Volcano, or there’s anything special there. There’s nothing awesome at the beach to see. When’s the last dragon-knight battle you saw at the beach occur? Exactly! The beach is FUCKING BORING. Plus, it’s filled with people you either WOULDN’T want to see nearly naked, or filled with people who aren’t aware yet of how fucking BAD their bodies are. I pity these people! They think they’re good looking, but they SO aren’t! Plus with sand and a bunch of rats with wings, what’s so special?
But whatever, the thing about Capitola is CHICKS. Holy shit there are a LOT of chicks there. I’m with the girl of my dreams and I’d never dream about hurting her because I absolutely treasure her, but these girls are all girls who shouldn’t be letting their bodies be seen this way. They think it’ll get them dudes, but the beach is the WRONG place to pick up dates, because men are superficial creatures and if we see your body before we talk to you thoroughly, we’re ONLY interested in your body at that point. The other thing is that it’s the only reason men go to the beach. Women go to the beach to hang out with friends or go swimming or get a tan, but guys only go to the beach to pick up or check out chicks. Who’s the last guy you heard say, “Jason, we have to go to the beach, I need to lay in the sun for an hour and a half, gotta get a nice tan!” NOBODY! Because guys don’t DO that!
I don’t get the fascination with the beach and don’t understand why girls wear the shit they do when they go to the beach, they’re only allowing themselves to be viewed as objects…AND THE DOGS! HOLY FUCKING LORD, THE DOGS! There are millions and millions of tiny dogs! I swear, just MILLIONS! And they’re not any different, it’s not like a bunch of different small dogs, no, it’s the SAME GOD DAMNED DOG EVERYWHERE YOU FUCKING GO! It’s always some lil white piece of fluffy crap mutt. You know, one of those rich old ladies dogs that they give diamond collars and let them eat out of a jeweled goblet. THOSE dogs. There’s no normal sized fucking dogs there, it’s INSANE. These dogs are so tiny that I could use them as fishing bait! Get some normal sized fucking dogs!
Anyway, point. Beach sucks. And so do tiny dogs. Fuck you tiny beach dogs. Fuck you in your tiny beach fluffy ass. I hope you get attacked by a flock of seagulls. Not the band, although THAT would be even MORE entertaining.
m@rk
