Untimely Demise

I don’t understand the term “untimely demise”. It is a redundant saying because no one ever dies at a convenient time!

Has there ever been a convenient time for someone to die? Unless you’re at court, getting divorced and your husband is on the way there because it’s HIS say that will determine what kind of money you get-if any at ALL-and he is involved in some horrific accident involving a semi-truck, a group of babies and a shiny red ball, then maybe THAT would be convenient for YOU. But not for HIS family, because what if his daughters 1st birthday was coming up! She wanted her daddy there to give her her first present, but no those babies has to kill him.

Fuck you babies.

So if there’s something as an untimely demise, is there such thing as an untimely BIRTH? I know teen pregnancy could be considered one of them, but I mean LITERALLY untimely. Because most of these untimely demise things are often a result of something just HAPPENING, you know? Sudden and shocking. So I want an untimely birth that is sudden and without warning, like, some girl at a party on her way to the punch bowl just starts droppin’ babies everywhere. A woman gives birth while driving to work. In the movie theater. Anywhere at anytime, see now THAT seems like it would be more annoying than an untimely demise. In fact, because we’re all almost born the same way, our births are never all that interesting to talk about. The most interesting thing you can do with your life is END IT.

Let’s be honest, one of the biggest ways-whether you’re famous or not-that people are going to remember you is how you DIE. Some people remember someone they never met for YEARS because of how they died and will bring that person up at a conversation at some point in time when the story seems it’d be funny. Usually at a party or something, when it’s deemed appropriate at that moment.
“Did you hear how that guy on the news died a few years ago? Apparently he was trying to fix his lawnmower and it fell down on top of him and just as he was being taken to the hospital, 8 black bears showed up and started raping him. He died 4 hours later after being brutally attacked by a child in the hospital. She was 8. She beat him to death with her mothers unused tampon.”
And THAT’S how people will remember him. The man who died by tampons.

Unfair? Certainly.
Unjust? You bet ya!
Unfunny? NOT ONE BIT.

m@rk