So some guy died yesterday, and apparently what happened was he fell over a rail into a vat of melting chocolate.
Is there a more pussy way to die? HONESTLY? And what if that guy was like, your brother? How do you even explain that to people, I wonder? Like you’re talking to someone and they ask how your brother died, be like, “Well, he got killed by an Almond Joy” like, there’s no way to say that with a straight face. Let me say this so it becomes clear NOW, ok? There’s manly ways to die and there’s NON manly ways to die. For example:
- Eaten by a bear who’s wielding chainsaws while you have sex with 3 different women while being surrounded by land mines: MANLY
- Fall into a vat of chocolate and drown: NON MANLY
I mean, it’s almost hard NOT to laugh at this guy. There’s always some death in the newspaper that you KNOW you shouldn’t laugh at, but you DO, ya know? Like when Michael Jackson dies and you’re like, “I guess his heart just couldn’t beat it, hahaha”. You know you’re not SUPPOSED to make the joke but you just can’t HELP it. It’s human nature (yes, another jackson joke, I’m on a roll today) to laugh at the misfortune of others. Actually it’s GERMAN nature, but whatever. I saw a list online the other day that stated the manliest ways to die. Steve Irwin was #1. STEVE IRWIN. He was #1. Steve Irwin got stabbed in the heart by a stingray while filming a documentary. Besides maybe like, kung-fu fighting a shark and STILL dying, there’s not much a manlier way to die in the ocean.
But where do you draw the line really? What’s laughable and what’s morally corruptive? I mean, in some ways, it’s OK to make fun of something. Like, there’s a problem with the theory “laughter is the best medicine” because how can I live by that when people still get mad at jokes about Cancer? If you laugh at someone who has Cancer, doesn’t the theory of “laughter is the best medicine” make sense and claim it will HELP them? Yes, I really am saying this.
I’m telling you to laugh at Cancer patients.
m@rk
