Death & Dying
Everyone has a fascination with death and dying. Wondering whether there’s a heaven, hell, purgatory or ANY of the above. We also miss the people who die, but there’s a few things I want to get ironed out, first of all is this baby and retarded folk issue. Apparently, if you’re a baby or a retarded person-or a retarded baby-and you die, you go to hell. Why? Well, the answer is because you aren’t aware of your world and cannot accept Jesus.
But doesn’t Jesus LOVE everybody? Why would he send-of ALL things-a BABY to hell just because they can’t understand or accept him? Doesn’t that sound fucked up to anybody else but me? Same deal with the retarded people (I am NOT giving in and saying “mentally handicapped”) because they can’t understand, comprehend or accept Christ as their lord or savior, so *POOF* off to hell they go. But if Jesus is so forgiving and died for our sins, then wouldn’t our sins BE forgiven, ESPECIALLY in their case when it isn’t even THEIR fault they’re the way they are? This one just ISN’T flying with me. I also can tell you why Heaven and Hell isn’t real, and why it’s the creation of a marketing team. It’s BECAUSE everything in this world has always had and will always have had a good vs evil side to it. Coke Vs Pepsi, Sony Vs Samsung, PC Vs Mac, Disney Vs Warner and so on and so forth. Therefore, for anything to be believable, you have to give it a good and evil perspective.
I’m probably the only person who thinks this one, but I’ll throw it out there anyway. Shouldn’t funerals be FUN? I mean the word “fun” is right there smack dab in the goddamn word as it is, why not follow the letter of the law, if not the spirit, am I right? Funerals are about saying goodbye, yes, but they are also about celebrating someone’s life who has passed on, so shouldn’t it be fun? Party! Remember them in a FESTIVE manner. If they were HERE, they wouldn’t want you to be a bunch of gloomy guses and want you to remember them in a dark, depressing manner. They’d want you to be happy! Plus suicide. Now here’s the one that REALLY interests me. Humorously enough, people had to CREATE different ways of suicide. People weren’t just happy with putting the barrel of a 9 millimeter magnum in their mouth and blowin’ their brains out all over their newborn sons crib, no, they had to create different ways. A lot of people feel different when they commit suicide, do it for different reasons, so they had to find a way to do it that expressed WHY they did it.
For example, someone who leaves a note that says “I feel like I’m suffocating and just can’t go on anymore in this world of torment and madness” probably is a good bet to have killed themselves by asphyxiation in their car. On the other hand, someone who leaves a note that says, “I just feel like I’ve been hanging onto this hopeless dream of being happy for too long” probably hung himself. Ok, different art forms, that’s respectable, that’s understandable. What’s NOT understandable about suicide-at least to ME-is everyone afterwards going, “Tom didn’t have to kill himself, that just hurts everyone ELSE!” Okay, so what was Tom supposed to do? Stay alive and miserable for his entire life so the REST of your could be happy? GET FUCKIN’ REAL. People say all the time, “It’s YOUR life, do with it what you will.”
One last stop on this gravy train of doom and despair before we wrap up here today…Muder. Why would anybody murder another human being? It’s not that I don’t understand exactly WHY. You see Tucker, Tucker’s a dick, you don’t like Tucker, he smells, he chews loudly and he stole your girlfriend WHILE you were having sex with her, and therefore you wanna drive an icepick into his skull between the eyes. Hey, isn’t that hard to understand. Some people DESERVE what they get. HOWEVER, what I DON’T understand about why you would murder someone is why you never murder the people who DESERVE it. Everytime in the news some bitch gets capped, it’s always some bitch who the guy never knew! Same problem with assasination, we assasinate ALL the wrong fuckin’ people. We assasinated John Lennon, Martin Luther King, Jesus, Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, John & Bobby Kennedy, and Malcom X. We killed every single person who ever told us “try to live together in peace and harmony”. Bush comes along and says, “Let’s invade other countries and kill people because they’re different, they believe different things, they look different or they just don’t like the same frozen dinners as I do” and we LOVE him. We FOLLOW him. Everyone who leads us to murder we love, and everyone who tells us to live together and love eachother GETS CAPPED IN THE SKULL.
What the FUCK is wrong with THAT picture?
m@rk
September 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm
You seem to be channeling Douglas Adams. I approve.
Yeah, funerals shouldn’t be depressing, and wakes really aren’t all that much fun – sure, watching relatives get drunk is great, but it’s more like forced cheer than actual merriment. I think we should have bounce houses and live music at funerals (and I mean REAL music, like the deceased’s favorite punk band or a jazz ensemble or whatever).
And creative suicide has always fascinated me. Imagine what you could do with a note like “I seem to have lost my head in the game”! Just think of it: halftime at a football game… the blimp slowly moves overhead… and someone leaps from the cabin with razor wire tied around their neck. Instant decapitation, blood splattering the audience, a whole stadium of traumatized fans… ah, that would be a good death.