5 Things

5 THINGS I HATE THAT EVERYONE ELSE LOVES: Monday May 11th Edition
1.) Susan Boyle is a FUCKING HOAX. She was made frumpy, with huge eyebrows so as to throw us all off. She actually recorded an album in 99, stop acting like she came out of the god damned WOODWORK! She was made up, she was created, ok?! Like the boogyman, mother goose, mary poppins, shit like that! She is a media created celebrity!
2.) Swine flu, FUCKING OVERHYPED. Swine Flu has only killed 1 fucking person the states and it was a CHILD FROM TEXAS. Well why did a child die? Because it’s a CHILD, who are primarily the ones with the WEAKEST FUCKING IMMUNE SYSTEMS! Swine Flu is overrated and one death in America cannot fucking warrant the CDC to call it a national health crisis. Besides, they’ve been saying if you have these symptoms to go home, and they coincide with regular allergy symptoms, so in all honesty how the FUCK do you actually know who is sick from swine flu AND WHO ISN’T?!
3.) Basing Obama on his first 100 days in office. That’s ridiculous, how much can one person honestly accomplish in 100 days?! And then when it’s not that much, people will say, “Well hey look, he didn’t too much!” WELL IT’S ONLY BEEN 100 FUCKING DAYS! Why don’t you wait until, i don’t know, he’s been in there for little over a YEAR and THEN see what he’s FUCKING done!?
4.) Comcast primarily for my shitty internet connection lately. That’s all.
5.) People bitching about the economy. People saying, “Oh, the economy is stupid, it sucks, we really screwed it up!” Talking about it like it’s a fucking ENTITY isn’t MAKING it one! Listen folks, the economy doesn’t exist, you can’t see it, you can’t touch it, it’s a made up idea, it’s a delusion, and an illusion. And it’s NOT GOD. Stop acting like America pissed off this giant creature who is now exacting his revenge by making everyone lose their jobs, that’s not what the economy is, it’s an idea, and illusion of safety and security! But it’s a GOOD one. I like the economy, when it WORKS.

5 THINGS I HATE THAT EVERYONE ELSE LIKES: Monday May 18th Edition
1.) Summer Heat: I can’t FUCKING stand this anymore, and the MAIN problem is heat stroke! People are dying by heat stroke because it’s too fucking hot, and what do we do to cool off? We go swimming, except with the scare of swine flu they tell everyone to STAY INSIDE! Ok, so what do we do to cool off INSIDE? We turn the fans on, except with the economy the way it is lately who the FUCK has that kind of money to run 80 fans at a time?! We have to PAY to stay ALIVE! How American is THAT?
2.) Allergies: This is a sequel to summer heat right above! I CAN’T FUCKING BREATH! My nose is so stuffed up that I can hardly breath, it’s RIDICULOUS and it’s even WORSE because no medicine fucking works for me!
3.) People on social websites that think they are so special and important that they make their profiles super private or invisible: Hey, Mr. Privacy Jackoff, if I can’t say something to you without becoming a friend, then you probably aren’t DESERVING of what I have to say! What kind of self absorbed, narcissistic fulla shit PRICK thinks they’re so awesome that you have to become their friend before saying something to them?! Talk about some serious fucking ABANDONMENT issues! Jesus!
4.) Dating Websites: Here is the worst thing I believe I’ve heard this year, that Lindsay Lohan has a profile on eHarmony. Lindsay Lohan has a profile…ON EFUCKINGHARMONY! Lindsay, you’re a cultural icon, you’re beloved by tons of men and women who would give ANYTHING to be with you, you’re a CELEBRITY for christ sakes! You don’t need a fucking dating profile. Is it that she wants a special connection with someone? Do you want to find someone who will truly love you? Well guess what baby, you’re a high profile celebrity who’s in the news all the damn time with tons of money…NOBODY WILL EVER TRULY LOVE YOU THAT WAY. Get fucking over it.
5.) Facebook Groups: Mainly the ones that are for FUCKING stupid reasons, like “Make Susan Boyle refuse a makeover!” has over 1000000 fucking members but “Help the starving children in Africa” has 5! If we all actually pulled together to put our effort into a fucking important group, maybe…just MAYBE would the public actually FUCKING accomplish something for once in this country!

5 THINGS I HATE THAT EVERYONE ELSE LIKES: Monday May 25th Edition
1. SUMMER CAMP: Summer Camp, fucking retarded idea. It’s all based around-they say-getting your kid to make new friends (whom they’ll never see again, by the way) and learn outdoor activities. Like first aid in the woods and how to catch animals, how to make a fire, shit like that. Two problems with this. First one, it’s a LIE. These people don’t give a SHIT about their children, they just want their kids to be AWAY after the year is over so these self absorbed yuppy parents have a place to themselves! Second problem: When is junior ever gonna have to show how to skin a moose during a job interview?! Is he going to be being interviewed for In-N-Out Burger and the manager says to him, “Well Timmy, to be able to make burgers, do you know how to set up a tent?” NOT FUCKING REALISTIC LIFE LESSONS! Lastly, now there’s WAAAY too many summer camps! When I was a kid, there was 1 fuckin’ summer camp! You know what they called it? SUMMER CAMP! Now there’s band camp, and arts camp and computer camp and fat camp and glass blowing camp and fuckin’ rehab camp! There’s camps for fuckin’ EVERYTHING now! Summer camp: Dumb fuckin’ idea!
2. THE BEACH: What the fuck is this religious fascination that everyone has with the beach?! I could turn on my faucet and see water! Water isn’t rare people! You bathe in it, you drink, it falls from the sky, IT’S NOT A RARE THING! And people will drive-I love this one by the way-people will drive during the summer like 2 and a half hours to get to the beach, in massive traffic which makes it longer, but then complain when they have to get up for work and DO THE SAME FUCKIN’ THING! I hate those people! In fact, I hate everybody!
3. FINALS: God damnit everyone is taking finals and it’s fucking up my plans! I have shit to do with these people and can’t do it because the school system keeps fuckin’ STEALING them from me! I took the math exit exam three times this year. HAVEN’T GOTTEN ONE RESULT BACK. THE SCHOOL SYSTEM SUCKS. Fuck finals, college has NO point, school has NO point, because what with how the economy is, you’re not gonna get a good fuckin’ job either way!
4. MOVING: I moved over the weekend, fuck it.
5. LITTLE GIRLS IN BIKINIS: This one goes with the beach and moving. I moved over the weekend to the beach. NOT MY DECISION by the way. These parents who let their 8 year old little girls run around in bikinis. These are people who should be locked in portable toilets and set the fuck on fire! These are horrible parents, no wonder these girls have no self esteem or self respect as they get older, they turn into little sluts! It’s FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Get some parenting skills and buy her some GOD DAMNED CLOTHES CONSISTENT WITH THE AGE SHE IS!

5 THINGS I HATE THAT EVERYONE ELSE LIKES: Monday June 1st Edition
1.) MONOGAMY: I’ve had about 7 different people since I moved to the beach tell me “Oh dude, CHICKS!” and these have all been people who know I’m in a dedicated full time forever relationship. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT DATING ONE FUCKING PERSON?! I don’t understand these people! I don’t get why you would want to try to date more than 1 person! Besides, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you say, eventually-EVENTUALLY-someone will get jealous and it all goes down shit creek. There’s a reason it’s called “MY ONE AND ONLY”
2.) GOING TO SUMMER SCHOOL: I’m not going to summer school this summer. I’ve taken 3 years in summer school now. FUCK IT. It’s a bad idea! Not only do you make kids hate school by making them already be there year round with minimal holidays (I mean day wise, not amount wise), but now while everyone else is off having fun, they’re gonna be stuck doing math! NO THANK YOU.
3.) RICH SUBURBAN TEENS WHO THINK THEY ARE TOUGH GUYS FROM THE GHETTO: Listen up you little insecure whitebread pieces of richly spawned SHIT, unless you’ve been involved a multiple gang shooting, a stabbing, or a horrific rape incident, you are NOT from the ghetto! Unless you make music that is TRUE hip-hop, drive a car with serious bass, and wear a rag on your head, you are NOT from the ghetto! What you are, are stupid immature retards who think there’s nothing cooler than pretending to be in a gang and flash symbols of which you have no idea the meaning behind! Well, you like being in gangs? Let’s see how fun you think it is when you accidentally get mistaken for real members and FUCKING KILLED.
4.) GIRLS WHO TAKE HALF NAKED PHOTOS OF THEMSELVES FOR FACEBOOK: This trend only backtracks on all womens rights movements and makes women seem not like a necessity, but a WANT. I hope you’re realizing that all you’re doing is making men see you as a slab of meat. By the way, let’s see what your future job employer says when they do a background check. If you’re lucky, maybe you won’t get sexually harassed or nearly raped at work!
5.) PRETEENS WHO LOITER AT THE MALL THINKING THEY ARE COOL: You’re not COOL, you’re fucking LAZY. Granted yes, you are outside of your home, but what’re you doing outside of your home? Sitting around in the footcourt, eating horrible shit that goes straight to your fat asses increasing your massive preteen egos! DROP THE CHURRO AND EAT A FUCKING SALAD. DROP THE ATTITUDE, AND GET SOME FUCKING MORALS. DROP THE SHIT AND ACT LIKE A PERSON you annoying little runts! Stop acting like you’re cool because you have shoes with lights in the heel!